Apr
01
10 Steps You Can Take To Lose All Your Money Fast And Easy…Guaranteed!!
Posted under Goals and Goal Setting, Making Money
Last year I wrote an article to inform people how NOT to be successful. It was for a few of my readers whose idea of a great life is being a complete and utter failure. Believe it or not, the article 10 Steps You Can Take To Guarantee Failure was reprinted on hundreds of other sites, it was distributed to college freshmen at one University and translated into a dozen or more different languages. If you don’t believe me just Google it.
Since so many readers were clamoring for sure-fire tips on guaranteeing failure, it only makes sense that an equal number would want to know some great ways to financial ruin. You may worry that you don’t have what it takes to lose massive amounts of cash. Don’t worry, these steps will make it easy for anyone to do. Just follow these simple strategies and you’ll be in the poor house before you know it.
1. Invest in businesses you know nothing about - Ok, so for the past 10 years or so you’ve made the bulk of your money working as a manager, doctor, lawyer or chef. What’s the next logical step? Oil futures! Nothing like a wildcatting venture to bankrupt yourself fast and easy. But don’t limit yourself to oil exploration. Put your money into stocks you know nothing about. Bonus: When your cousin comes to you with a pyramid scheme where you invest money and find more investors who find more investors, sign up immediately. This will greatly accelerate the loss of funds.
Why this works: If you have experience in one industry, investing in another you have no experience in means you’ll have to learn a lot of lessons the hard way. In other words, you’ll have to shell out tons of cash to learn the new industry. In the case of your cousin’s ponzi scheme, it’s just money down the drain fast and simple.
2. Develop a drug habit - This tip is a sure-fire way to financial ruin. Illegal drugs cost a fortune because of the risk involved in bringing them to market. Just think of all the money you’ll flush down the toilet in buying these substances. Plus, you get a bonus ding in that you’ll likely get in trouble with the law, which means exorbitant legal fees!
Why this works: You are essentially paying a fortune for something that never shows a return. In fact, as time goes on, drug use tends to increase due to tolerance. As the drug use increases, so does the risk taking - which will often lead to run ins with the law and/or death. Of the steps to financial ruin, this is probably one of the better you can take.
3. Spend more money than you bring in - This may seem obvious, but some people just don’t get it. They never take out credit cards or loans. If you don’t get any credit, it makes this step almost impossible. So start filling out those credit card applications as soon as they hit your mailbox. And like Wilma and Betty Flintstone said! “Chaaarge It!!!!”
Why this works: Do the math. Let’s say for argument sake you take home $200 per week. If you can spend $250 a week, that means your net worth for that week is -$50. See? You’ll be on the road to the homeless shelter in no time!
4. Gamble - Of all the ways to destroy your financial savings this is probably the most fun. Think of all those bright lights, chatter and scurrying around that you see at the casino. Drinks are on the house, there are beautiful people everywhere! It’s a thrill ride indeed. If you are feeling “lucky”, you’ll be especially successful with this step. Pop a couple hundred dollars on a roulette spin. Throw down some chips on the keno table. Don’t forget, with online gambling you can do this all from the comfort of your own home. But the casino adds the advantage of more hype so the emotional pressure to gamble is higher.
Why this works: There are a lot of factors that play into you losing money at the casino. Casinos have done the math. They know that for every dollar you gamble, they statistically make .14 cents profit. Plus, the noise and drink makes you less likely to make good decisions. But if your goal is to lose money, then their tricks work to your favor! You can lose your house in a day or less - no muss no fuss!
5. Adamantly refuse to set financial goals - we all know that having a specific target amount we’d like to have is a sure path to get there. So what do you do? Refuse to set a goal! If you have no target, then you won’t have anywhere to go. Going nowhere means you’ll stay where you are currently. Then all you have to do is add on at least one of the other steps in the article to bankrupt yourself. It’s just that simple!
Why this works: Writing down a goal and making a plan for its accomplishment is the sure-fire way to success. All you are doing is the opposite of that. Drifting along without a goal and plan for more money ensures you’ll never get more money. See? Doing nothing is as easy as it seems. Let the creditor calls begin!
6. Have an extramarital affair - This step is a double whammy for the pocketbook. First, there’s the expense of hotels, gifts, sneaking around of courting two people at the same time. But that’s not all. Eventually, there’s the expense of marriage counseling and inevitable lawyer fees that will drain your budget. Oh, and let’s not forget division of assets that make this method a great long term strategy for money loss! Perhaps not the quickest strategy, but those into long-term conservative loss should seriously consider this option.
Why this works: An affair is like dating all over again. The other relationship starts out with dating, flings away from home and often the expense of maintaining two households. You probably won’t lose all of your money up front. The serious money loss comes months or years down the road when you have to hire attorneys and split your assets in a divorce proceeding. Also, don’t forget you’ll likely have to rent an apartment somewhere after your spouse kicks you out. If you can’t secure a divorce, then counseling is the most likely alternative. So you can see, either way, this step makes for a conservative financial loss strategy.
7. Don’t take care of your health - I’ve got one word for you!. Iron Lung! Just think of the money burning possibilities you could encounter by not taking care of yourself. If you can smoke, eat and drink more than your friends and family, coupled with a non-physical exercise routine, you’ll be well on your way. If you can maintain this slothfulness and bad habits it’s virtually guaranteed you’ll have some major health issues down the road that will eat away at your life savings. Although, this method tends to be more physically and emotionally painful than other methods - so it’s not for those who have a low pain threshold.
Why this works - It’s no coincidence that healthcare is the #1 expenditure for the US government. The cost of treatments for avoidable diseases such as adult onset diabetes and heart disease due to smoking is staggering. However, if you don’t like the pain of suffocating to death or losing a limb to diabetes, you might want to consider one of the other strategies in this article.
8. Don’t insure your property - As far as money losing, this is a gamble. So it’s not recommended as a sure-fire loss strategy. But if you get lucky, you can be bankrupt after only one natural disaster. The way it works is if you cancel your homeowners insurance and auto insurance, you have to go out of pocket on all accidents. If a tree falls on your house and nobody hears it does it make a sound? Yes! It makes the sound of you writing a check for the full amount of the repair. Bonus: If you are working on another step at the same time, you may get to hear the check bounce too!
Why this works: It works because property doesn’t last forever without repairs and upkeep. The odds of having an auto accident are 1 in 10. If the accident is your fault, you might have to buy two new cars.
9. Don’t pay your taxes - You might be thinking “Hey! If I don’t pay my taxes, then I’ll be saving money!that won’t get me broke any time soon.” Ok, here’s the secret. If you don’t pay your taxes, then an interesting accumulation happens. The government tacks on interest and penalty charges for each tax bill you don’t pay. The penalties are always more than the original tax bill. Let me give an example. Let’s say you owe $1000 in taxes for 5 years. When the government comes to collect, you’ll owe not only $1000 plus interest, but you’ll owe a penalty of over $1000 just for the government to investigate!
Why this works: I think it was Benjamin Franklin who said the only certainties in life are death and taxes. The tax man will get his money regardless of what you do to avoid paying.
10. Avoid any and all work - How many fortunes have been lost due to laziness and avoidance of work? Plenty I tell ya. When you get an idea for a book, don’t write it - writing is work. If your boss offers you a raise to work on a new project, turn it down. In fact, if you have a job, then quit today! No sense in prolonging the amount of time it takes to lose money by having a reliable income. Don’t underestimate the power of unemployment to destroy your finances. It works swiftly to bring you to broke or beyond. By simply adding on one of the other steps in this article you’ll be on the road to long-term poverty lickity-split.
Why this works: In most civilized societies you trade work for money. By eliminating work from your life you’ll be eliminating money at the same time. It couldn’t be easier. Do nothing and you’ll get nothing!time and time again.
So there you have it, 10 proven, sure-fire ways to lose all your money. The only thing left for you to do is to take some action. No need fear that you’ll fail at going broke - millions have applied one or more of these strategies and done it - so can you! Losing all your money doesn’t have to be difficult at all. Get started today for the road to ruin can be simple and quick.
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Comments
Great article. Fast read yet informative. Thanks!
Excellent advice. I have personally made use of several of these strategies, but have fallen on some less effective times after being misled by goal setters and planners.
On #3, let’s not confuse the kids. It’s Wilma Flintstone and Betty Rubble.